Construction Begins on Wall of Ignorance Surrounding Republican Party
WASHINGTON, DC -- After much heated debate, construction has finally…
Politics
Alabama Votes to Have Men Hold onto Ovaries Until Ready For Use
MOBILE, AL -- As abortion moves to the forefront of…
Obama Uncertain How Much Longer He Can Prop Up Economy
WASHINGTON, DC -- The job numbers are in and former…
Report Reveals Barr’s Loyalty Bought with Backchannel Cheeseburger Payments
WASHINGTON, DC -- As questions swirl about what would cause…
Mob of Presidential Hopefuls Descend on Home of Undecided New Hampshire Couple
CONCORD, NH -- As the race for the presidency heats…
Putin and Kim Meet to Make Fun of the Length of Trump’s Term
MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Russian president Vladimir Putin met with North…
Entertainment
Measles, Mumps, & Rubella Comeback Tour a Smashing Success
SEATTLE, WA -- After decades in obscurity, measles, mumps, &…
Clint Eastwood Directs New Film About Character and Plot From Last Three Films
LOS ANGELES, CA -- In his latest film, legendary actor…
White House Intern Drowns In Melania’s Christmas Themed River of Blood
Tragedy struck last night shortly before the unveiling on Melania…
Sports
John Kelly’s Testicles Hung in White House Entrance as Warning to All Future Chiefs of Staff
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As the rumored dismissal of one of…
Adidas Endorses Trump
NEW YORK, NY -- In an apparent response to Nike's…
Russia Offers Free Housing to Families of World Cup Stars
In a stunning display of generosity, Russia has offered to…
Technology
Romaine Farmers Adding Gun Parts in Effort to Kill With Impunity
CAMARILLO, CA -- Romaine farmers throughout the country are feeling…
Google Workbots Skip Walkout Despite Constant Harassment
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA -- Google's army of working robots was…
Trump Sends Troops to US Umbrella Factories
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump yesterday ordered two Army combat…
World
Trump Threatens to Start Businesses in China if They Don’t Agree to Trade Deal
BEIJING, CHINA -- As Trump's trade war with China escalates,…
Georgia Rapists Rejoice Being Awarded Rights Women are Too Emotional to Wield
SAVANNAH, GA -- Among the dozens of Georgia rapists gathered…
Trump Administration Celebrates Earth Day by Praising Other Seven Planets
WASHINGTON, DC -- In a two-hour Earth Day celebration speech…
