Fourth of July Celebration to Feature Tanks Rolling Over Protesters
WASHINGTON, DC -- President Trump has demanded that this years…
Politics
New Press Secretary Eager to Start Not Doing Her Job
WASHINGTON, DC -- Today, newly appointed White House Press Secretary…
Mueller Releases 900-Page Report Detailing How Disappointing His Testimony Will Be
WASHINGTON, DC -- In the wake of news that Robert…
Trump Condemns Democrats’ Prejudice Towards Prejudice
ORLANDO, FL -- President Trump kicked off his 2020 re-election…
Ghost of Democracy Haunting Elevator in Senate Office Building
WASHINGTON, DC -- What started as rumors whispered between interns…
USS Constitution Ordered to Never Show Its Face In Washington Ever Again
WASHINGTON, DC -- In the wake of reports that the…
Entertainment
Measles, Mumps, & Rubella Comeback Tour a Smashing Success
SEATTLE, WA -- After decades in obscurity, measles, mumps, &…
Clint Eastwood Directs New Film About Character and Plot From Last Three Films
LOS ANGELES, CA -- In his latest film, legendary actor…
White House Intern Drowns In Melania’s Christmas Themed River of Blood
Tragedy struck last night shortly before the unveiling on Melania…
Sports
John Kelly’s Testicles Hung in White House Entrance as Warning to All Future Chiefs of Staff
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As the rumored dismissal of one of…
Adidas Endorses Trump
NEW YORK, NY -- In an apparent response to Nike's…
Russia Offers Free Housing to Families of World Cup Stars
In a stunning display of generosity, Russia has offered to…
Technology
Romaine Farmers Adding Gun Parts in Effort to Kill With Impunity
CAMARILLO, CA -- Romaine farmers throughout the country are feeling…
Google Workbots Skip Walkout Despite Constant Harassment
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA -- Google's army of working robots was…
Trump Sends Troops to US Umbrella Factories
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump yesterday ordered two Army combat…
World
Trump Threatens to Start Businesses in China if They Don’t Agree to Trade Deal
BEIJING, CHINA -- As Trump's trade war with China escalates,…
Georgia Rapists Rejoice Being Awarded Rights Women are Too Emotional to Wield
SAVANNAH, GA -- Among the dozens of Georgia rapists gathered…
Trump Administration Celebrates Earth Day by Praising Other Seven Planets
WASHINGTON, DC -- In a two-hour Earth Day celebration speech…
