Month: October 2018

Migrant Caravan of Intellectuals Continue Push North to Canada

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – As the migrant caravan of Central American refugees has been grabbing headlines, a similar but much less publicized group of American migrants has quietly been making headway towards the Canadian border. The group, primarily made up of scientists, medical professionals, Constitutional lawyers, economists, and teachers, has made its way  to within a […]

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Saudis Claim Bloody Wood Chipper Came with the House

ISTANBUL, TURKEY — As questions regarding the fate of international journalist Jamal Khashoggi mount, Saudi Arabia continues to deny any involvement in his disappearance. Mr. Khashoggi, who has been critical of the Saudi government, was last seen entering to Saudi Consulate in Istanbul on October 2nd to apply for a marriage license, but surveillance footage […]

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Stephen Miller Caught Dining on President’s Missing Crayons

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For weeks, an ongoing mystery has been baffling White House staffers. Every few days, President Trump’s crayon box has had to be replaced because countless colors have gone missing. This has reportedly infuriated the President, who has become increasingly suspicious of his staff, and disrupted work on his biographical coloring book. “The […]

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McConnell Bathes in Protestors’ Tears After Kavanaugh Vote

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an apparent victory lap after the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, Senator Mitch McConnell (R-SC) was photographed bathing in the tears of protestors distressed by the collapse of American democracy. During the protests, many had questioned why McConnell staffers were out collecting the tears of survivors of sexual […]

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FBI Ordered to Only Investigate Kavanaugh’s Truthful Statements

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Details of the White House’s order for the FBI to investigate sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh have revealed limits to the scope of the investigation. The White House has reportedly told the Bureau to ”…only investigate matters which have already been proven to be true.” President Trump also […]

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