Month: October 2018

Post-Apocalyptic Films Continue Losing Viewers to Evening News

LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been another tough season for Hollywood after a tumultuous year of Harvey Weinstein and “Death of a Nation“, but now the seemingly scandal-proof genre of post-apocalyptic blockbusters is feeling the squeeze. Once considered a safe haven for escapism, ‘end-of-the-world’ films have become all too real for many viewers. With […]

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Migrant Caravan of Intellectuals Continue Push North to Canada

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – As the migrant caravan of Central American refugees has been grabbing headlines, a similar but much less publicized group of American migrants has quietly been making headway towards the Canadian border. The group, primarily made up of scientists, medical professionals, Constitutional lawyers, economists, and teachers, has made its way  to within a […]

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Saudis Claim Bloody Wood Chipper Came with the House

ISTANBUL, TURKEY — As questions regarding the fate of international journalist Jamal Khashoggi mount, Saudi Arabia continues to deny any involvement in his disappearance. Mr. Khashoggi, who has been critical of the Saudi government, was last seen entering to Saudi Consulate in Istanbul on October 2nd to apply for a marriage license, but surveillance footage […]

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Stephen Miller Caught Dining on President’s Missing Crayons

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For weeks, an ongoing mystery has been baffling White House staffers. Every few days, President Trump’s crayon box has had to be replaced because countless colors have gone missing. This has reportedly infuriated the President, who has become increasingly suspicious of his staff, and disrupted work on his biographical coloring book. “The […]

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McConnell Bathes in Protestors’ Tears After Kavanaugh Vote

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an apparent victory lap after the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, Senator Mitch McConnell (R-SC) was photographed bathing in the tears of protestors distressed by the collapse of American democracy. During the protests, many had questioned why McConnell staffers were out collecting the tears of survivors of sexual […]

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Kavanaugh Excited to Begin Exacting Revenge on Women

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With his tumultuous confirmation behind him, newly appointed Justice Brett Kavanaugh has finally begun his transition to the Supreme Court. After weeks of allegations of sexually inappropriate behavior and protests throughout the country, Kavanaugh has said he is excited to begin work stripping women of their civil rights. Several landmark cases lie […]

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FBI Ordered to Only Investigate Kavanaugh’s Truthful Statements

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Details of the White House’s order for the FBI to investigate sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh have revealed limits to the scope of the investigation. The White House has reportedly told the Bureau to ”…only investigate matters which have already been proven to be true.” President Trump also […]

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