Breaking News:
Tuesday, Sep 17, 2019
LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been another tough season for Hollywood after a tumultuous year of Harvey Weinstein and “Death of a Nation“, but now the seemingly scandal-proof genre of post-apocalyptic blockbusters is feeling the squeeze. Once considered a safe haven for escapism, ‘end-of-the-world’ films have become all too real for many viewers. With […]
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MINNEAPOLIS, MN – As the migrant caravan of Central American refugees has been grabbing headlines, a similar but much less publicized group of American migrants has quietly been making headway towards the Canadian border. The group, primarily made up of scientists, medical professionals, Constitutional lawyers, economists, and teachers, has made its way to within a […]
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NEW YORK, NY – As the mid term elections draw near, a new Pew poll has found that better than 4 of 5 people who breath exclusively from their mouths support Republican candidates throughout the country. Pew conducted the survey in all 50 states and is the first of its kind to examine a corollary […]
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ISTANBUL, TURKEY — As questions regarding the fate of international journalist Jamal Khashoggi mount, Saudi Arabia continues to deny any involvement in his disappearance. Mr. Khashoggi, who has been critical of the Saudi government, was last seen entering to Saudi Consulate in Istanbul on October 2nd to apply for a marriage license, but surveillance footage […]
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — With its new conservative majority, the Supreme Court has decided to simplify its once exhaustive legislative decision-making process and replace eight of its members with . Since all eight of these Justices have already made up their minds on all matters that will come before them, the Congressional Budget Office has determined […]
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — For weeks, an ongoing mystery has been baffling White House staffers. Every few days, President Trump’s crayon box has had to be replaced because countless colors have gone missing. This has reportedly infuriated the President, who has become increasingly suspicious of his staff, and disrupted work on his biographical coloring book. “The […]
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — The highest ranking non-white member of the Trump Administration has stepped down from her position as United Nations ambassador. After 19 months, Nikki Haley has resigned from her position as one of the nations top diplomats. Born Nimrata Randhawa to Sikh immigrants, Nikki Haley made every attempt to assimilate into white culture in […]
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AFRICA — While on a glamorous $25 million, four-country photoshoot tour in some of the most beautiful backdrops in Africa, First Lady Melania Trump may have finally completed her ongoing search for the fabled Lost Ark of the Covenant. Melania’s quest began when White House Chief of Staff John Kelly sat her in front of a […]
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an apparent victory lap after the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, Senator Mitch McConnell (R-SC) was photographed bathing in the tears of protestors distressed by the collapse of American democracy. During the protests, many had questioned why McConnell staffers were out collecting the tears of survivors of sexual […]
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — With his tumultuous confirmation behind him, newly appointed Justice Brett Kavanaugh has finally begun his transition to the Supreme Court. After weeks of allegations of sexually inappropriate behavior and protests throughout the country, Kavanaugh has said he is excited to begin work stripping women of their civil rights. Several landmark cases lie […]
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Details of the White House’s order for the FBI to investigate sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh have revealed limits to the scope of the investigation. The White House has reportedly told the Bureau to ”…only investigate matters which have already been proven to be true.” President Trump also […]
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