Breaking News:
Monday, Apr 15, 2024
WASHINGTON, DC — Today, newly appointed White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham, said she is excited to fill the empty press podium left by outgoing secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Sanders, who did not held a formal press briefing in her final 100 days in office, said she expects Grisham to do an excellent job doing […]
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WASHINGTON, DC — In the lead up to Robert Mueller’s testimony before Congress, the Special Counsel has released a 900-page report meant to manage the expectations of those eager to see the President impeached. A man of few words, Mueller once again opted to write a long-winded report, read only by Rep. Justin Amash(I-MI), that […]
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ORLANDO, FL — President Trump kicked off his 2020 re-election campaign this week with many of the same messages he used in 2016. In fact, entire sections of his Orlando speech appeared to be pulled directly from campaign speeches four years ago. But the centerpiece of his rambling, conspiracy theory ridden, monologue was Democrats intolerance […]
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WASHINGTON, DC — In the wake of reports that the White House ordered the USS John McCain “out of sight” during President Trump’s Japan visit, new sources have revealed that this request was also made of the USS Constitution. Trump’s disdain for both ships has drawn criticism from both the Navy and private citizens. While […]
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BEIJING, CHINA — As Trump’s trade war with China escalates, a White House in chaos in examining any option to end the conflict without appearing weak. On Monday, Trump threatened to begin opening and bankrupting Trump-branded businesses in China, a move that has could potentially cost the Chinese billions. After a New York Times article […]
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MOBILE, AL — As abortion moves to the forefront of the political battlefield, Alabama has elected to literally remove the responsibility of child bearing from women. In a party line vote, the Republican held state senate approved a law that would assign a male caretaker to all functioning female ovaries. That man would presumably keep […]
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WASHINGTON, DC — The job numbers are in and former president Obama’s economy remains impressive. As economic trends from his administration continue their upward movement, the ex-president has admitted he may not be able to sustain the momentum much longer. While President Trump has spent his first two years in office making every attempt to […]
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SAVANNAH, GA — Among the dozens of Georgia rapists gathered around the television at Savannah Correctional Facility, few could hold back their excitement when the announcement was broadcast. Governor Brian Kemp(R-GA) had just signed a bill virtually banning abortions in the state even in cases of rape, incest, and child molestation. “A lot of the […]
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WASHINGTON, DC — As questions swirl about what would cause a longtime Washington insider like Bill Barr to sacrifice his reputation for the embattled president, new details are emerging about secret White House meetings between the two men over the past 3-months. A startling new report reveals a sordid tale of a desperate president trying […]
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CONCORD, NH — As the race for the presidency heats up, hundreds of Democratic presidential hopefuls jammed into the home of an undecided elderly couple for a marathon 19-hour town hall style debate. What started as a simple meet-and-greet for the two independent voters, soon snowballed into a caravan of campaign managers dumping busloads of […]
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MOSCOW, RUSSIA — Russian president Vladimir Putin met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un this week to poke fun at President Trump’s very short term in office. Both leaders have held their posts for 19 and 8 years respectively, and show no signs of relinquishing power in the near future. President Trump has made no […]
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WASHINGTON, DC — In a two-hour Earth Day celebration speech on the White House lawn today, President Trump did not make a single mention of Earth. Instead, the president sung the praises of each of the other seven planets in our solar system and repeatedly spoke about what a great job they are doing. The […]
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WASHINGTON, DC — In an ironic twist of fate, President Trump’s own immigration policy is leading to mass vacancies in his administration. After over two years in office, over 40% of the administration’s key leadership positions remain unfilled. Historically, immigrant laborers have been used to fill positions no American will take, but because of his […]
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SOUTH BEND, IN — Presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg continues to raise the stakes in one of the most crowded candidate fields in recent history. The barely legal Mayor of South Bend has vowed to put a soda machine in every cafeteria and extend midday recess breaks by up to 15 minutes if elected. While many […]
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SEATTLE, WA — After decades in obscurity, measles, mumps, & rubella have reunited and returned to the smashing success they enjoyed in the early half of the 20th century. Jointly known as MMR, their unexpected reunion tour has become a viral sensation, spreading across the globe at record speed. Once known for having when they […]
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Education Secretary Betsy Devos has gone on the offensive after being criticized for attempting to defund the Special Olympics and other childhood education programs earlier this week. Devos cited a ‘disturbing trend’ where media outlets appear very one-sided when reporting about the pros and cons of educating children. “You never read anything […]
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LORDSTOWN, OH — As automobile factory closures pile up in middle America, some Trump supporters are questioning the president’s claim on the campaign trail that, “If I’m elected, you won’t lose one plant, you’ll have plants coming into this country, you’re going to have jobs again, you won’t lose one plant, I promise you that.” […]
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Tragedy struck last night shortly before the unveiling on Melania Trump’s White House Christmas decoration extravaganza, when an East Wing intern drowned in a holiday themed river of blood. Only minutes before initiating the Slovakian midnight winter sacrament, the intern was swept away by a festive red wave of animal parts. Often renowned for her […]
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CAMARILLO, CA — Romaine farmers throughout the country are feeling the pinch after all shipments of their leafy produce were halted when 32 people fell ill from E.coli poisoning. The FDA immediately issued an alert and recalled all possibly contaminated romaine lettuce after people from 11 different states reported symptoms including nausea and diarrhea. Desperate to maintain […]
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