Category: Politics

Saudis Claim Bloody Wood Chipper Came with the House

ISTANBUL, TURKEY — As questions regarding the fate of international journalist Jamal Khashoggi mount, Saudi Arabia continues to deny any involvement in his disappearance. Mr. Khashoggi, who has been critical of the Saudi government, was last seen entering to Saudi Consulate in Istanbul on October 2nd to apply for a marriage license, but surveillance footage […]

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Stephen Miller Caught Dining on President’s Missing Crayons

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For weeks, an ongoing mystery has been baffling White House staffers. Every few days, President Trump’s crayon box has had to be replaced because countless colors have gone missing. This has reportedly infuriated the President, who has become increasingly suspicious of his staff, and disrupted work on his biographical coloring book. “The […]

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McConnell Bathes in Protestors’ Tears After Kavanaugh Vote

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an apparent victory lap after the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, Senator Mitch McConnell (R-SC) was photographed bathing in the tears of protestors distressed by the collapse of American democracy. During the protests, many had questioned why McConnell staffers were out collecting the tears of survivors of sexual […]

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Kavanaugh Excited to Begin Exacting Revenge on Women

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With his tumultuous confirmation behind him, newly appointed Justice Brett Kavanaugh has finally begun his transition to the Supreme Court. After weeks of allegations of sexually inappropriate behavior and protests throughout the country, Kavanaugh has said he is excited to begin work stripping women of their civil rights. Several landmark cases lie […]

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FBI Ordered to Only Investigate Kavanaugh’s Truthful Statements

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Details of the White House’s order for the FBI to investigate sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh have revealed limits to the scope of the investigation. The White House has reportedly told the Bureau to ”…only investigate matters which have already been proven to be true.” President Trump also […]

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GOP Struggling to Find Sexual Predators to Fill November Ballots

Republican strategists have been facing increased difficulties as they attempt to find under qualified sexual predators to fill vacancies in elections across the country. This comes as Representative Jim Knoblach (R-MN)  becomes the latest, in a string of Republican sexual predators, to abandon his bid for re-election after allegations of sexual misconduct were raised. By […]

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Penises Proving to Be Inappropriate for the Work Place

After a seemingly endless stream of high profile firings over sexual harassment accusations, many are starting to worry these may not be 200-300 isolated incidents. Matt Lauer’s dismissal from NBC is the latest in a long string of allegations leveled at men in positions of power. Lauer, like fellow news anchors Bill O’Reilly and Charlie Rose, […]

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