Category: Sports

Moscow Mitch

Russian Operative in Loose-Fitting Skin Suit Defeats Election Security

WASHINGTON, DC — In a surprise move that pushed the limits of his cover, Russian operative Mitkh Mikkonilov was able to single-handedly defeat two election security bills that were brought before the Senate. Familiarly known by his cover identity, Mitch McConnell, Mikkonilov has quietly climbed the political ranks to become the Senate Majority Leader. During […]

Read More
john kelly's balls

John Kelly’s Testicles Hung in White House Entrance as Warning to All Future Chiefs of Staff

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the rumored dismissal of one of the longest tenured and  most stable members of the Trump administration draws near, many in the White House wonder what impact John Kelly’s departure will have on the presidency and who will fill his shoes. As an ominous warning to any future Chiefs of Staff […]

Read More

Philly Celebrates Superbowl Win by Burning Philly to the Ground

After decades of fruitless attempts, the Philadelphia Eagles brought home their first ever Superbowl Championship by upsetting the heavily favored New England Patriots in Superbowl LII. To celebrate the unprecedented victory, Philadelphia citizens took to the streets and destroyed the “City of Brotherly Love” in a show of unbridled enthusiasm and kinship. Long known as […]

Read More

Take a Knee

Conservatives Just Can’t Understand NFL Actions After several days of discussion, conservatives still cannot understand why NFL players and owners locked arms and kneeled during the national anthem. In fact, many conservative pundits still insist that the purpose was the exact opposite of its actual meaning. Fox News has stated the actions were “divisive” and […]

Read More