CONCORD, NH — As the race for the presidency heats up, hundreds of Democratic presidential hopefuls jammed into the home of an undecided elderly couple for a marathon 19-hour town hall style debate. What started as a simple meet-and-greet for the two independent voters, soon snowballed into a caravan of campaign managers dumping busloads of candidates on their front lawn.
“We were excited at first, but then they just kept busing them in,” said homeowner Sharon Caldwell.
The Caldwell’s spent the evening huddled on a couch in their living room as each candidate viscously fought for their attention. Countless microphones and bullhorns were being pulled in every direction as the Democratic challengers clambered to take center stage in front of the unaffiliated voters.
“Each candidate was supposed to be given 15 seconds in front of the Caldwells,” said event organizer Marcy Willison, “But several of them went over by a few hours.”
Due to the unexpected turnout, the brief sit down turned into an epic 2-day debate that soon descended into chaos as refreshments and hors d’oeuvres became scarce.
“I thought Frank bought too much chips and soda, but the fridge was empty in 10-minutes,” lamented Sharon, “One of them was on our coffee table stepping in my bean dip.”
The original event was meant to help the Caldwell’s understand where each candidate stood on important issues, but they claim to now be more confused than ever. “They were just talking over each other, it was very hard to understand what each one was trying to say.”
Despite the presidential hopefuls efforts, Frank Caldwell remained unconvinced and decided to enter the race himself. “No one understands the issues I care about better than me, so maybe it should be me,” he explained.