New Poll Shows GOP with 84% Support Among Mouth-Breathers

NEW YORK, NY – As the mid term elections draw near, a new Pew poll has found that better than 4 of 5 people who breath exclusively from their mouths support Republican candidates throughout the country.

Pew conducted the survey in all 50 states and is the first of its kind to examine a corollary between mouth-breathing and voting Republican.

“It is hard to explain the link between not using your nose to breath and supporting conservative candidates,” poll administrator Victor McHugh stated, “but it clearly exists and deserves further exploration.”

Though Pew could not determine whether mouth-breathing increased likelihood to vote Republican, or if voting Republican made voters breath only from their mouths, the numbers indicate the party may sweep the demographic in the upcoming election.

“Mouth-breathing is less frowned upon in deep red states, so this may help us establish causality from future data.” added McHugh.

Mouth breathing Fox News correspondent’s Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity rejoiced on Twitter with the former saying he felt “vindicated and accepted” by the report, while Hannity stated “Noses are for sniffing out left-wing conspiracies, not breathing.” Both added the hashtags ‘#mouthbrothers’ and ‘#tonguesoutgunsout’  to their tweets.

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence,” said President Trump’s eldest son and mouth breather, Donald Trump Jr., “This is just another group that we connect with that felt disenfranchised by nose and mouth breathing, out-of-touch libtards.”

Some medical professionals fear the new study may encourage more members of the Republican base to stop using their noses for breathing.

“Nose breathing is not only a normal function of human biology, but it also ensures steady oxygen supply to the brain.” said Dr. Anders Ronkovich of the Pulmonary Institute, “If more Republicans follow Fox News’ lead and denounce nose breathing we could have a serious epidemic on our hands.”

“Huh?” said New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning while staring blankly and breathing through his mouth when asked for comment. Manning who grew up in red Louisiana was once accused of using Trump’s name as a play call.

 

 

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