President Trump Claims He’s Not That Busy

Facing criticism for his attacks on professional black athletes, President Trump claimed his has “plenty of time on my(tiny) hands”. Considering the small area of his hands, this would mean there are very few matters to attend to beyond insulting the mothers of NFL players and breaking up with Golden State Warrior point guard Stephan Curry before he breaks up with him.

Unable to understand the difference between free time and work, Trump followed up this statement with a contradictory, “I’m always working.” While known for issuing conflicting statements, this marks the first time Trump has been able to contradict himself in back to back sentences.

Among the issues not occupying all of Trump’s time are: the humanitarian crisis in Puerto Rico where 3 million Americans remain without power, a growing internal email issue in the White House, a health care bill that remains unable to be repealed, tax reform, and the threat thermonuclear war with North Korea.