Tag: political satire

ghost of democracy

Ghost of Democracy Still Haunting Elevator in Senate Office Building

WASHINGTON, DC — What started as rumors whispered between interns in the Russell Senate Office Building, have turned into a full on haunting after repeated ghost sightings in the Senate elevator. Several insiders claim staffers are on edge after numerous reports of a ghostly, corpse-like figure floating through the halls of the historic government building. […]

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Russian assassination

Kremlin Overwhelmed by Backlog of Assassination Orders

MOSCOW, RUSSIA — The Russian government division responsible for silencing liabilities and enemies of the state is in the midst of its busiest season to date. The semi-secret Kremlin agency that sends assassins overseas to murder Putin critics is reportedly unable to keep up with the growing list of targets marked for termination. Several employees […]

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Julian Assange cat Pee Pee Leaks

Julian Assange’s Cat Requests Asylum From Assange

LONDON, ENGLAND — Shortly after the arrest of a hobo-like Julian Assange, the Wikileaks founder’s cat has requested extradition from the Ecuadorian Embassy in London. Mr. Assange and his cat, Pee Pee Leaks, had been squatting in a small room in the embassy since 2012 after being granted asylum by the then Ecuadorian president Rafael […]

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wall of ignorance

Construction Begins on Wall of Ignorance Surrounding Republican Party

WASHINGTON, DC — After much heated debate, construction has finally begun on an impenetrable wall of ignorance that will soon enshroud the Republican party. Once complete, party members say they will be safe from ideas of liberty, civil rights, social justice, and truth. Although the penetration of such concepts have slowed to a mere trickle […]

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Kavanaugh Excited to Begin Exacting Revenge on Women

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With his tumultuous confirmation behind him, newly appointed Justice Brett Kavanaugh has finally begun his transition to the Supreme Court. After weeks of allegations of sexually inappropriate behavior and protests throughout the country, Kavanaugh has said he is excited to begin work stripping women of their civil rights. Several landmark cases lie […]

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Trump Booed

White House Claims “Boos” at World Series Were in Honor of Halloween

WASHINGTON, DC – Doubling down on their assertion that the “Boos” heard during last night’s telecast of the World Series were not meant to insult the President, White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham claims many of the 41,000 in attendance at Nationals Park were simply making ghostly sounds in honor of Halloween. Immediately after the […]

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Garlic violence

GOP Demands Investigation into Garlic Violence

GILROY, CA — As disturbing images of the mass shooting at the Gilroy Garlic Festival circulate social media, Republican leadership is demanding an investigation into the link between garlic consumption and gun violence. After a gunman opened fire at the annual event, killing 3 and injuring 12, many in the GOP are questioning what role […]

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Trump racist

Trump Advisors Urge Him to Degrade More White People

WASHINGTON, DC — In the aftermath of his racist attacks on Elijah Cummings and his majority black district in Baltimore, White House advisors are stepping in to urge President Trump to insult more white people. Over the past month, Trump has leveled numerous vicious attacks on people of color, using terms like ‘infested’ and ‘crime-ridden’ […]

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Moscow Mitch

Russian Operative in Loose-Fitting Skin Suit Defeats Election Security

WASHINGTON, DC — In a surprise move that pushed the limits of his cover, Russian operative Mitkh Mikkonilov was able to single-handedly defeat two election security bills that were brought before the Senate. Familiarly known by his cover identity, Mitch McConnell, Mikkonilov has quietly climbed the political ranks to become the Senate Majority Leader. During […]

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Boris Brexit

Boris Johnson Lays Out Detailed Plan of Excuses for His Future Brexit Failure

LONDON, UK — Newly appointed UK Prime Minster Boris Johnson has already begun work on a plan to explain why he was unable to oversee a successful Brexit. While many in Parliament had hoped the father of Brexit would come with a detailed solution to the complexities of leaving the EU, Johnson instead ordered his […]

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Trump parade

Fourth of July Celebration to Feature Tanks Rolling Over Protesters

WASHINGTON, DC — President Trump has demanded that this years Fourth of July celebration include military tanks crushing protestors who stand in their path. What started as a “non-partisan” parade to celebrate America, has quickly turned into a day to pay tribute to a president with sagging approval ratings. Many in Washington were opposed to […]

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new press secretary

New Press Secretary Eager to Start Not Doing Her Job

WASHINGTON, DC — Today, newly appointed White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham, said she is excited to fill the empty press podium left by outgoing secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Sanders, who did not held a formal press briefing in her final 100 days in office, said she expects Grisham to do an excellent job doing […]

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Mueller second report

Mueller Releases 900-Page Report Detailing How Disappointing His Testimony Will Be

WASHINGTON, DC — In the lead up to Robert Mueller’s testimony before Congress, the Special Counsel has released a 900-page report meant to manage the expectations of those eager to see the President impeached. A man of few words, Mueller once again opted to write a long-winded report, read only by Rep. Justin Amash(I-MI), that […]

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Trump prejudice

Trump Condemns Democrats’ Prejudice Towards Prejudice

ORLANDO, FL — President Trump kicked off his 2020 re-election campaign this week with many of the same messages he used in 2016. In fact, entire sections of his Orlando speech appeared to be pulled directly from campaign speeches four years ago. But the centerpiece of his rambling, conspiracy theory ridden, monologue was Democrats intolerance […]

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Trump Trade war

Trump Threatens to Start Businesses in China if They Don’t Agree to Trade Deal

BEIJING, CHINA — As Trump’s trade war with China escalates, a White House in chaos in examining any option to end the conflict without appearing weak. On Monday, Trump threatened to begin opening and bankrupting Trump-branded businesses in China, a move that has could potentially cost the Chinese billions. After a New York Times article […]

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Ovaries in a jar

Alabama Votes to Have Men Hold onto Ovaries Until Ready For Use

MOBILE, AL — As abortion moves to the forefront of the political battlefield, Alabama has elected to literally remove the responsibility of child bearing from women. In a party line vote, the Republican held state senate approved a law that would assign a male caretaker to all functioning female ovaries. That man would presumably keep […]

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Obama's economy

Obama Uncertain How Much Longer He Can Prop Up Economy

WASHINGTON, DC — The job numbers are in and former president Obama’s economy remains impressive. As economic trends from his administration continue their upward movement, the ex-president has admitted he may not be able to sustain the momentum much longer. While President Trump has spent his first two years in office making every attempt to […]

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Georgia rapists

Georgia Rapists Rejoice Being Awarded Rights Women are Too Emotional to Wield

SAVANNAH, GA — Among the dozens of Georgia rapists gathered around the television at Savannah Correctional Facility, few could hold back their excitement when the announcement was broadcast. Governor Brian Kemp(R-GA) had just signed a bill virtually banning abortions in the state even in cases of rape, incest, and child molestation. “A lot of the […]

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Barr cheeseburger

Report Reveals Barr’s Loyalty Bought with Backchannel Cheeseburger Payments

WASHINGTON, DC — As questions swirl about what would cause a longtime Washington insider like Bill Barr to sacrifice his reputation for the embattled president, new details are emerging about secret White House meetings between the two men over the past 3-months. A startling new report reveals a sordid tale of a desperate president trying […]

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