Tag: political satire

Russian assassination

Kremlin Overwhelmed by Backlog of Assassination Orders

MOSCOW, RUSSIA — The Russian government division responsible for silencing liabilities and enemies of the state is in the midst of its busiest season to date. The semi-secret Kremlin agency that sends assassins overseas to murder Putin critics is reportedly unable to keep up with the growing list of targets marked for termination. Several employees […]

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French Police Defend Use of Braised Shallots in White Wine Reduction Gas on Protestors

PARIS, FRANCE — As clashes between protestors and French police continue, some are calling to question the suppression tactics being employed as images surface of protestors being beaten by stale baguette and dusted by weaponized pepper mills. During the recent “yellow vest” protests, multiple outlets report the use of extremely brutal tactics, by French standards, […]

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john kelly's balls

John Kelly’s Testicles Hung in White House Entrance as Warning to All Future Chiefs of Staff

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the rumored dismissal of one of the longest tenured and  most stable members of the Trump administration draws near, many in the White House wonder what impact John Kelly’s departure will have on the presidency and who will fill his shoes. As an ominous warning to any future Chiefs of Staff […]

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george kellyanne sex

George and Kellyanne Conway Sex Strike Enters 627th Day

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Nearly two years have past since Republican power couple Kellyanne and George Conway began their mutually agreed upon sex strike and sources say there are no signs of an end in sight. Married in 2001, the couple has been at odds with one another since George, a prominent GOP lawyer, first vocalized […]

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George W bush worst

George H.W. Bush Grateful He Lived to See His Son Become Not the Worst President

HOUSTON, TX — As honors and memorials continue to pour in following the death of the 41st president of the United States, many insiders claim George H.W. Bush’s proudest moment came when he was certain that his son, George W. Bush, would no longer be remembered as the worst president in US history. Though it […]

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Trump g20

At G20 Closing Dance, Trump Stands Alone Sipping Diet Coke

BUENOS AIRES, ARGENTINA — As the G20 Summit draws to a close, the closing dance often generates the most excitement among the leaders of the world’s twenty most powerful nations. With no scheduled meetings, dignitaries are free to mingle and chat without an agenda or time crunch while snacking on an international cultural buffet and […]

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Trump Clarifies, He Meant He Would Protect Auto Manufacturing Shrubbery

LORDSTOWN, OH — As automobile factory closures pile up in middle America, some Trump supporters are questioning the president’s claim on the campaign trail that, “If I’m elected, you won’t lose one plant, you’ll have plants coming into this country, you’re going to have jobs again, you won’t lose one plant, I promise you that.” […]

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Barron immigrant

Defying His Father, Barron Continues Meeting Honduran Friend at Border Fence

SAN YSIDRO, CA — Despite his father’s objections, insiders report Barron Trump has continued his secret meetings with a Honduran asylum seeker at the US/Mexico border. First detailed in a bombshell New York Times story, Barron spent the last two months secretly escaping the White House and traveling to the San Ysidro border crossing to […]

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White House Intern Drowns In Melania’s Christmas Themed River of Blood

Tragedy struck last night shortly before the unveiling on Melania Trump’s White House Christmas decoration extravaganza, when an East Wing intern drowned in a holiday themed river of blood. Only minutes before initiating the Slovakian midnight winter sacrament, the intern was swept away by a festive red wave of animal parts. Often renowned for her […]

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Kavanaugh Excited to Begin Exacting Revenge on Women

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With his tumultuous confirmation behind him, newly appointed Justice Brett Kavanaugh has finally begun his transition to the Supreme Court. After weeks of allegations of sexually inappropriate behavior and protests throughout the country, Kavanaugh has said he is excited to begin work stripping women of their civil rights. Several landmark cases lie […]

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Trump immigrants

Trump Suggests Immigrants Wear Identifying Badges

WASHINGTON, DC — As immigration continues to be a hotly debated policy issue, president Trump has signaled he may be willing to negotiate with Democrats. Yesterday, after much back and forth, Trump released a statement with his “final solution” to the ongoing talks. The White House has offered a set of guidelines that would allow […]

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