Tag: russia

McDowell’s Accepts Offer to Open Restaurants Across Russia

QUEENS, NEW YORK — After the shuttering of McDonald’s restaurants in Russia due to the country’s invasion of Ukraine, president Vladimir Putin has made a desperate plea to other fast food chains to fill Russia’s empty food courts and bus stations. While this plea fell on mostly deaf ears, Queens-based McDowell’s burgers has answered the call.

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Putin Long Table

Putin Insists He Only Wants to Liberate Ukrainians From Their Freedom

MOSCOW, RUSSIA — At a contentious press conference this morning, Russian dictator Vladimir Putin reminded reporters that the sole purpose of his invasion of the Ukraine was to ‘liberate them from their freedom’. He repeated his claims that Ukrainians were Russians and that the population was grateful that he had sent in the Russia military.

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Russian assassination

Kremlin Overwhelmed by Backlog of Assassination Orders

MOSCOW, RUSSIA — The Russian government division responsible for silencing liabilities and enemies of the state is in the midst of its busiest season to date. The semi-secret Kremlin agency that sends assassins overseas to murder Putin critics is reportedly unable to keep up with the growing list of targets marked for termination. Several employees […]

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