White House Found to be Infested With Fascists

The White House appears to have a fascist problem.

Work orders obtained by NBC reveal complaints about tyrants and vermin scurrying about in the White House Situation Room and the fast food mess, the executive restaurant run by McDonalds.

Elsewhere, the presidential kitchen was reported to have been infested with authoritarian despots, while spineless yes men were also spotted in the chief of staff’s office.

Fascist complaints aside, the record show hundreds of work orders for repairs and upgrades in 2017 alone, ranging from a toilet seat replacement from explosive overuse in the Oval Office to a request for a tanning salon from the White House first family.Leaks are also a widespread problem. Staff leaks were reported in multiple locations, including the ceiling of the legislative affairs office in the building’s East Wing, and in the staffers’s washroom near the Roosevelt Room in the West Wing.

Overall, hundreds of requests were made over the past two years to the U.S. General Services Administration (GSA), which oversees the logistical needs of federal agencies and buildings.

The maintenance crew reportedly got to work setting morality traps outside of Vice President Mike Pence’s office and in the West Wing’s basement, according to the New York Daily News, and they apparently got the job done, as all morality seems to have been flushed from the building. A follow-up request asked the White House’s landscape crew “to check all the traps in the West Wing… because they’re smelling something funky like a traitor to the American people.”